NASA studies evacuating Sarria after detecting sounds compatible with volcanic activity
For centuries, the Camino de Santiago has tested millions of pilgrims.
The blisters.
The rain.
The slopes
The backpacks.
The pilgrim menus.
Wet socks.
But nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
It has caused more human suffering than snoring in a public shelter.
According to a completely invented report but emotionally supported by any pilgrim who has ever slept in a hostel, NASA would have launched an investigation into the acoustic levels detected in several community dormitories in the French Way.
The preliminary data is worrying.
A normal night in Sarria would have registered more vibrations than the launch of a space rocket.
An American technician deployed to Galicia declared:
—We thought it was seismic activity. Then we discovered that it was a man from Albacete taking a nap.
Everything starts the same
The scene is always the same.
It's ten at night.
The atmosphere is perfect.
Pilgrims exchanging stories.
Koreans showing photos.
Italians talking with their hands.
Germans perfectly organizing the stages of the next nine days with a military precision impossible to understand.
Spaniards asking where to have dinner.
Americans discovering that beers cost less than water in New York.
Everything seems calm.
Then he appears.
The first.
The chosen one.
The Alpha Snorer.
Normally it is a person who ten minutes earlier has uttered a historic phrase:
—I never snore.
Five minutes later it is producing sounds that force a Japanese pilgrim to look for coverage to call Civil Protection.
Types of snoring
Over the years, Camino experts have managed to classify the different species.
The Spanish Agricultural Tractor
It is the most common.
Its sound is reminiscent of a combine harvester starting in January.
It has power.
It has continuity.
He has pride.
He never rests.
The Italian MotoGP
This snoring accelerates.
Start off soft.
He seems friendly.
But in a matter of seconds it goes from a Vespa to a racing Ducati.
The other pilgrims usually sit up in bed thinking that a helicopter has just landed.
The Atlantic Whale
Characteristic of some Galician hostels.
It produces sounds so deep that Norwegian scientists believe they have detected conversations between marine species.
The Sniper
It is possibly the most dangerous.
Remains in absolute silence.
Everything seems calm.
And suddenly...
GRROOOONNNNNKKKK!!!
It causes small collective heart attacks.
The case of the German and the teat cheese
The story is already part of the Jacobean legend.
It happened in Sarria.
A German pilgrim, after four consecutive nights without sleep, decided to act.
First he tried plugs.
Failure.
Then headphones.
Failure.
He later placed a towel around her head.
Failure.
Finally he made a desperate decision.
He bought a tetilla cheese.
He cut it in two.
And he used both pieces as hearing protection.
As he later told the press:
—Conventional plugs are not prepared to withstand the continuous blowing of a 110 kilo Cuenca countryman.
The solution worked for exactly nine minutes.
Then he woke up because he was hungry.
The psychological effects
Many pilgrims come to the Camino looking for inner peace.
Meditation.
Spirituality.
Silence.
Reflection.
After two nights in a hostel they discover new emotions.
Hate.
Resentment.
Homicidal instincts.
Ability to imagine creative methods of acoustic insulation.
A study carried out by the International University of Desperate Pilgrims concluded that 82% of walkers have at some point considered sleeping in the shower.
Another 14% tried to move to a church.
And 4% seriously considered continuing to walk all night.
The plugs are no longer useful
The situation has reached critical levels.
Modern pilgrims no longer buy stoppers.
They buy:
Industrial headphones.
Equipment used in airports.
Military protection.
Material used on oil platforms.
And yet they continue to listen perfectly to Gregorio, from Cuenca, breathing from bunk number 17.
The mystery of snorers
The most disconcerting thing is that they never find out.
Never.
While the entire bedroom experiences an experience close to acoustic war, the snorer sleeps happily.
Deeply happy.
Too happy.
At six in the morning he wakes up.
It stretches.
Smile.
And ask:
—Have you rested well?
At that time, several pilgrims have to remember the Christian values of the Camino.
The candidacy for World Heritage status
UNESCO is currently studying declaring the snoring of the Camino Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity.
The reasons are obvious.
Few traditions manage to bring together simultaneously:
Spanish snoring.
French snoring.
Korean snoring.
Italian snoring.
Brazilian snoring.
German snoring.
All performing an international symphony at three in the morning.
The candidacy also has the support of hospital associations that ensure:
—It is the only truly global experience that all pilgrims share.
The true path
Because anyone can walk thirty kilometers.
Anyone can climb O Cebreiro.
Anyone can withstand rain, heat or blisters.
But sleeping eight hours between a Castilian tractor, an Atlantic whale, an Italian Ducati and a human volcano from Cuenca...
That does transform a person.
That does change a life.
That does deserve a special Compostela.
Perhaps that is why, when pilgrims arrive in Santiago, many cry with emotion.
Not because they have finished the Camino.
But because, for the first time in three weeks...
They go to sleep alone.
